Q: Hi Aidan! I started seeing a guy casually over the past two months and things are starting to get serious! But last week we went out and he confessed to me that he had a girlfriend already, but will be breaking up with her to be with me. I asked if she knows about us yet and he said “NO.” What should I do?
RED FLAGS, RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE. RED FLAGS! OMG, Gurl. So many problems in this scenario that you need to consider before moving forward! Now, there is always the 1 percent chance that you guys are each other’s soulmates, but… odds are… consider the following:
1. He’s a guy who is willing and capable of lying to his “loved ones.” The fact that this is the kind of man who is not only willing, but CAPABLE, of lying to his girlfriend for two months is a serious problem! If he is capable of doing that to her, he is capable of doing that do you. HOW CAN YOU KNOW HE IS TELLING YOU THE TRUTH?!
2. He is not a direct communicator. He and his girlfriend are obviously having issues, but from the sound of it, he is not addressing the problems in the relationship head on. If he were the type of person to do so, they would have either worked out whatever issue they are struggling with, or would have broken up already! People like this are DANGEROUS. Because these are the type of people who do stuff like steal stuff from their work because the boss underpays them, and so instead of finding another job or talking to their boss, they will steal and solve all their problems in indirect and dishonest ways. Remember he can do the same thing to you! If at any point he feels like he is being treated unfairly by you, chances are good that he could not give you an indication that he is having a problem, and instead go around and take matters into his own hands. Just like he has done with his girlfriend
3. He has already betrayed you. You say you were dating “casually” and that thing are starting to get serious. Would you have started dating casually if you had known that he already had a girlfriend? I would bet the answer is “no” (Although, if someone is really infatuated someone, they would lie to themselves and say, “well maybe.” We all know that this is bull crap. Please.) He lied to you and HAS BEEN lying to you about his relationship status for the past two months and he got you to believe him. That should scare the living crap out of you because clearly this is a person who is very persuasive and has a tendency to lie. Those three points should be enough to scare anyone off, but my experience has been that if someone really wants to stay in a relationship, they won’t listen to relationship advice… So – should you choose to continue this relationship – I would recommend proceeding with EXTREME CAUTION.
“Dear Aidan” is a reoccurring advice column written by Aidan Park. Questions for Aidan can be submitted via social media or at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow Aidan on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter @AidanParkShow and check out his upcoming comedy shows on his website AidanPark.com