Ever since the gay Internet caught wind of a full-on “L Word” revival last week, most of us can think of nothing else. The possibilities of Bette, Tina, Shane, Alice, Helena, and Jenny’s corpse coming together again are simply endless – and mind-boggling. So to quiet the insane voices of anticipation in our heads that are rendering sleep impossible, here is a list of a few suggestions (ahem, demands) for the new season’s character arcs.
1. Jenny Comes Back From the Dead
Yes, yes, everyone hates her, we get it. But she’s the one we love to hate, that’s the important thing. What’s a show without a great villain? And seriously, who else really fits the bill? You don’t expect the writers to trot out Dawn and her lover Cindy for the umpteenth time, do you?
2. Alice, Having Been Wrongfully Accused of Jenny’s Murder, is Released From Jail
So we all know the story of how, in the “L Word” spinoff that never was, tentatively titled “The Farm,” Alice was supposed to take the rap for Jenny’s murder, even though she was innocent. In the new season, Alice will get sprung in no time, using her newfound freedom and prison friends (plenty of room for an “Orange is the New Black” crossover here) to wreak havoc on the lesbian community of Los Angeles, one vaginal rejuvenation at a time.
3. Bette and Tina are Now Polyamorous
Don’t say you didn’t see it coming. Everybody’s favorite artsy, new-agey couple has thrown out their puritan morals and embraced the era of advanced sluttiness that is the 2010s.
4. Shane and Jenny’s Resurrected Ghost Have a Showdown, In Which Shane Finally Breaks Up with Jenny and Gives Us the Ending We Deserve
We were all waiting breathlessly for that relationship to end, and somehow we were denied that one, simple pleasure. Thankfully we have Season 7 to amend this error. Preferably this breakup takes place in the same wrestling ring where Nikki and Jenny had their showdown in Season 5.
5. Kate McKinnon Makes a Guest Appearance
As Alice’s charismatic, slightly eccentric lawyer. And gay. Did we mention the character is gay?