July 26, 2021 The Newspaper Serving LGBT Los Angeles

DEAR AIDAN: Disclosing HIV Positive Status?

Dear Aidan:

I am HIV Positive and am jumping into the dating world. I know that there is a stigma and judgmental gay guys will look as me as a “slut” and also am concerned that no one will want to date me because of my status. How do you maneuver this in the Gay dating world?

Dear Positvely Charged!

Okay. There is nothing holding you back, except for your own thinking on this issue. There are a lot of assumptions and beliefs in that question that are totally not serving you so we are gonna address that.

“I know that there is a stigma out there”

Is this statement absolute truth?! Really, let’s think logically for a second about this statment. That’s like saying “I know the world is racist.” Yes, some people in the world are racist… but to color the whole world as a racist is not an accurate assessment of the world. 

It is also an assessment that is not serving you whatsoever. It’s just creating more fear in your heart, which works against what you ultimately want – which is a connection with someone who will love you completely for who you are. To think productively, we must ask, can we soften this statement at all? 

Follow Aidan on Insta/Facebook/Twitter @Aidanparkshow Check out Aidan’s funny advice podcast @WhatToDoShow and his tour dates and more at aidanpark.com.

Maybe… “Some people may be judgemental but there are also lots of compassionate people who are open-minded and educated about the optic of HIV Status who would be open to dating me!” This is just a true of a statement that actually reinforces your strength in moving in the direction of what you ultimately want. 

Sure, both statements you can argue to be true. But which one will you advocate for? Anytime you are given a choice to line up with a truth, one should always assess which truth is more empowering and line up with the belief that will give you the most amount of forward movement toward the future that you want, not the one that holds you back from achieving. Make sense?

Here is another belief that is not serving you:

“Many gays will look at me as a “slut” OKAY, fair. Some might. But now, we have got to consider you in all of this. You are so concerned with what they think of you… what about what you want in your friends and partners?

First of all the sentence above is not even verifiable… maybe some might judge you, but here you are holding the opinion of the others more important than your own opinion of them! Do you really want to be friends with people who are going to call you a “slut” based on your status? Really? you want to impress those guys? WHY? It’s like being afraid that a drug-addicted cocaine dealer will tell you you are undatable. WHO CARES? Anyone who will think that is not someone you ultimately want whether you are positive or negative, or whatever!

As far as judgmental people go, what I have discovered is that JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE JUDGE. They will find any excuse to Judge. They will say this one is too tall, that one is too short, that one is a slut, that one watches too much tv, that one is positive or negative or weird or dumb pr blah blah blah… on and on and an on and your status is JUST AN EXCUSE for them to maintain their position of judgement, which they are looking for excuses to do all day long. SO WHO CARES.

More helpful thought (which is probably more true) would be: “There are LOTS of educated men out there who understand that even though I am positive I’m healthy and taking care of myself, and also know that it is less risky to date someone who is positive and taking care of themselves, rather than someone who is negative who doesn’t know this stuff. I deserve someone who will appreciate my honesty, upfrontness and sees all that I have to offer, and will see me beyond my status.”

So – this is really not a world problem. It’s a thought problem. Feed the thought that will get you moving in the direction you want to go. Hold your own opinion more important than the opinion of others. DO NOT buy into other people’s narrative of the world, which they are just using as an excuse for why they are unsuccessful in accomplishing what they want. Breathe. You got this. 

Related Posts

Disneyland Drops ‘Boys and Girls’ Reference

July 19, 2021

July 19, 2021

Disneyland will be changing the introduction to its nightly fireworks show from “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,...

Trans Incident At Wi Spa May Have Been Staged

July 19, 2021

July 19, 2021

On June 24th an Instagram user “cubaangel” posted a video of herself angrily confronting a staff member at the Wi...

Podcast Host Mat George Killed In Hit-And-Run

July 19, 2021

July 19, 2021

Mathew George, gay co-host of the podcast “She Rates Dogs”, has died at the age of 26 after a hit-and-run...

Los Angeles LGBT Center Vaccinates Trans and Non-Binary Community Members

July 14, 2021

July 14, 2021

The Los Angeles LGBT Center has made it its mission to vaccinate the  trans and non-binary  community in a safe...

Gaywatch: Back To The Beach

July 14, 2021

July 14, 2021

On Saturday July 10th Venice Pride hosted Gaywatch: Back To The Beach, a queer dance party at the only gay-owned...

City of West Hollywood Launches ‘Dockless Mobility’ Pilot Program

July 14, 2021

July 14, 2021

City of West Hollywood Launches ‘Dockless Mobility’ Pilot Program with E-Scooters and E-Bikes from Bird, Lime, and Wheels. Starting July...

WeHo Poet Laureate Reviews LGBTQ Documentray “Senior Prom”

June 24, 2021

June 24, 2021

West Hollywood poet Laureate, RENT Poet founder and author of “The Poetry of Strangers: What I Learned Traveling America with...

Dogdrop’s List Of LGBTQ+ Pet Accessories

June 20, 2021

June 20, 2021

Dogdrop, a queer owned dog daycare in Los Angeles, is highlighting a list of LGBTQ+ pet accessories for Pride month. ...

Backstreet Boys & *NSYNC Partner Up For “Bingo Under The Stars” Pride Event At The Grove

June 19, 2021

June 19, 2021

On June 18th The Grove hosted “Bingo Under The Stars” as a charitable Pride event at The Grove’s Level 8....

Drag Filled Cocktail Event At the Beverly Center

June 19, 2021

June 19, 2021

On June 17th Beverly Center and The Webster hosted a private cocktail event with some of the city’s brightest LGBTQ+ stars. ...

Beverly Center Pride Celebrations For Pride Month

June 19, 2021

June 19, 2021

Throughout Pride month from June1st – June 30th the Beverly Center will honor the LGBTQ+ community with its long-standing PRIDE...

WeHo One City One Pride Kick-Off

June 11, 2021

June 11, 2021

On Saturday, May 22, 2021 the City of West Hollywood kicked-off its One City One Pride LGBTQ Arts Festival.  A...

Pride Poets Poetry Hotline This Weekend

June 11, 2021

June 11, 2021

West Hollywood’s poet laureate Brian Sonia-Wallace and the Pride Poets team will be writing free custom poems this weekend in...

WeHo’s Public Art Exhibition ‘Meringue’ by Artist Kiduck Kim

June 11, 2021

June 11, 2021

The City of West Hollywood presents the public art sculpture installation “Meringue” by artist Kiduck Kim on display through July...

“WeHo Sounds” Free Virtual Concert Series

June 11, 2021

June 11, 2021

The City of West Hollywood kicks-off “WeHo Sounds”, a free Friday evening virtual concert series on June 18. Concerts will...