August 5, 2020 The Newspaper Serving LGBT Los Angeles

DEAR AIDAN: Disclosing HIV Positive Status?

Dear Aidan:

I am HIV Positive and am jumping into the dating world. I know that there is a stigma and judgmental gay guys will look as me as a “slut” and also am concerned that no one will want to date me because of my status. How do you maneuver this in the Gay dating world?

Dear Positvely Charged!

Okay. There is nothing holding you back, except for your own thinking on this issue. There are a lot of assumptions and beliefs in that question that are totally not serving you so we are gonna address that.

“I know that there is a stigma out there”

Is this statement absolute truth?! Really, let’s think logically for a second about this statment. That’s like saying “I know the world is racist.” Yes, some people in the world are racist… but to color the whole world as a racist is not an accurate assessment of the world. 

It is also an assessment that is not serving you whatsoever. It’s just creating more fear in your heart, which works against what you ultimately want – which is a connection with someone who will love you completely for who you are. To think productively, we must ask, can we soften this statement at all? 

Follow Aidan on Insta/Facebook/Twitter @Aidanparkshow Check out Aidan’s funny advice podcast @WhatToDoShow and his tour dates and more at aidanpark.com.

Maybe… “Some people may be judgemental but there are also lots of compassionate people who are open-minded and educated about the optic of HIV Status who would be open to dating me!” This is just a true of a statement that actually reinforces your strength in moving in the direction of what you ultimately want. 

Sure, both statements you can argue to be true. But which one will you advocate for? Anytime you are given a choice to line up with a truth, one should always assess which truth is more empowering and line up with the belief that will give you the most amount of forward movement toward the future that you want, not the one that holds you back from achieving. Make sense?

Here is another belief that is not serving you:

“Many gays will look at me as a “slut” OKAY, fair. Some might. But now, we have got to consider you in all of this. You are so concerned with what they think of you… what about what you want in your friends and partners?

First of all the sentence above is not even verifiable… maybe some might judge you, but here you are holding the opinion of the others more important than your own opinion of them! Do you really want to be friends with people who are going to call you a “slut” based on your status? Really? you want to impress those guys? WHY? It’s like being afraid that a drug-addicted cocaine dealer will tell you you are undatable. WHO CARES? Anyone who will think that is not someone you ultimately want whether you are positive or negative, or whatever!

As far as judgmental people go, what I have discovered is that JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE JUDGE. They will find any excuse to Judge. They will say this one is too tall, that one is too short, that one is a slut, that one watches too much tv, that one is positive or negative or weird or dumb pr blah blah blah… on and on and an on and your status is JUST AN EXCUSE for them to maintain their position of judgement, which they are looking for excuses to do all day long. SO WHO CARES.

More helpful thought (which is probably more true) would be: “There are LOTS of educated men out there who understand that even though I am positive I’m healthy and taking care of myself, and also know that it is less risky to date someone who is positive and taking care of themselves, rather than someone who is negative who doesn’t know this stuff. I deserve someone who will appreciate my honesty, upfrontness and sees all that I have to offer, and will see me beyond my status.”

So – this is really not a world problem. It’s a thought problem. Feed the thought that will get you moving in the direction you want to go. Hold your own opinion more important than the opinion of others. DO NOT buy into other people’s narrative of the world, which they are just using as an excuse for why they are unsuccessful in accomplishing what they want. Breathe. You got this. 

Related Posts

WeHo DJ Music Series Continues Through September

August 4, 2020

August 4, 2020

In the middle of a pandemic, people can’t help but feel disheartened, frustrated and melancholy. In an attempt to lift...

WeHo Closes West Hollywood Park and Plummer Park

July 29, 2020

July 29, 2020

The City of West Hollywood is making every effort to respond to community needs during the coronavirus (COVID-19) public health...

The LGBTQ Center Long Beach Makes Some Changes

July 29, 2020

July 29, 2020

For more than three decades, The LGBTQ Center Long Beach has provided a variety of health, social, advocacy, legal, and...

Still Bisexual

July 21, 2020

July 21, 2020

Still Bisexual will be hosting an online event called Sacred Space: A Black Wellness Event on Saturday, August 1st at...

WeHo Makes Efforts to Help Its Businesses and Residents

July 15, 2020

July 15, 2020

With the Coronavirus pandemic wreaking havoc across the world and many businesses unfortunately succumbing to the lack of business. The...

City of West Hollywood’s ‘One City One Pride’ LGBTQ Arts Festival

June 12, 2020

June 12, 2020

Features a ‘virtual platform’ for arts and cultural events: May 22 through June 30 By Staff Writer Each year, the...

How COVID-19 Impacts Black LGBTQ+ People

May 15, 2020

May 15, 2020

Amidst horrifying racial disparities, “COVID While Black and Queer” is a new data initiative that will shine a light on...

Lawmakers Ask State and Counties to Collect Data on LGBTQ Community and COVID-19

April 14, 2020

April 14, 2020

Senator Scott Wiener (D-San Francisco) and Assemblymember Todd Gloria, Chair and Vice-Chair of the California Legislative LGBTQ Caucus respectively, sent...

Los Angeles LGBT Center on Coronavirus Resources

March 22, 2020

March 22, 2020

The Los Angeles LGBT Center has released the following recommendations for members of the LGBTQ+ community during the novel coronavirus...

Coronavirus’ Added Risk for LGBTQ+ Communities

March 17, 2020

March 17, 2020

More than 100 LGBTQ+ organizations have signed an open letter outlining the added risk the novel coronavirus poses on the...

Apply for New Affordable Senior Housing at the Los Angeles LGBT Center’s McCadden Campus

February 28, 2020

February 28, 2020

The City of West Hollywood has announced that applications for new affordable senior housing will be accepted by the Los...

Santa Monica Honors LGBTQ Politician and Heal The Bay CEO on 100th Anniversary of U.S. Women’s Right to Vote

February 28, 2020

February 28, 2020

Honorees Include Los Angeles County Supervisor Sheila Kuehl and Heal The Bay CEO Dr. Shelley Luce Amidst an election year...

Confronting Meth Crisis in California’s LGBTQ Communities

February 26, 2020

February 26, 2020

Senator Wiener introduces bill to confront meth crisis using contingency management intervention By Kerry Slater Senator Scott Wiener (D-San Francisco)...

Transgender Care Services Coming to Baldwin Park

February 18, 2020

February 18, 2020

By Staff Writer A new Planned Parenthood center opening soon in Baldwin Park will provide transgender care services to a...

WeHo Opens Nominations For 2020 Rainbow Key Awards

February 18, 2020

February 18, 2020

Nominations will be Accepted Until Thursday, February 27 By Staff Writer The City of West Hollywood is gathering nominations for...