Dear Aidan,
I am going to a Pride party this weekend! Unfortunately I recently had an ugly breakup last week with a boyfriend with whom I had a toxic relationship with and we run in the same circle. I tried to reach out to him but he refuses to talk to me and I hear he is very angry from mutual friends. I am sure to see him at these parties and I am concerned and he or I will get jealous, activated or upset by seeing each other at these parties. Is there any advice that you give us?
Dear Heartbreaker,
I am so sorry that you are going through a break up. It’s never easy and seeing a guy that you love after you guys have decided to end it, especially if it ended badly.
The first thing you must realize is that you cannot control what he does. In fact you can’t control what ANYONE DOES. So if someone has ill will toward you, they could do a myriad of things that may upset you. It’s like a dog that craps on the floor. You can’t get mad at it if you are choosing to be around him… and since you are hanging around him there is a chance you will smell crap while you are around him so you have to just accept it and bring the metaphorical pooper scooper to deal with it when it DOES happen!
Since you cannot control the behavior of your ex and it would be a terrible use of energy trying to do that, let’s take charge of our lives in a different way that is more effective instead.
This is what you must do:
- Accept where you currently ARE
- Know what you WANT
- Assess the map to set yourself up for success.
This is a good lesson for anyone facing a situation they do not like. You must first figure out what YOU want and work around the terrain from where you are. For example, if you want to get to New York from California, complaining about all the mountains in the way and how terrible it would be to hike through the mountains is not going to do ANYTHING…Trying to get the mountains to be flatter by whining about them isn’t going to work. But with the understanding that you are in California, and that there are roads in New York, and car rentals, you can get to New York; it just takes a little bit of planning.
So what do we want? We want a SEXY GOOD TIME, LAUGHS, FUN, FRIENDS, EXCITEMENT, MUSIC. and what is the reality of the situation? You have an ex-boyfriend who is very angry with you who may behave irratically. So, given the “Terrain” and “Where you are” and “where you want to get to”… What is the easiest way for you to achieve this given the current conditions? Be more dedicated to what you want than anything else, including the need to “Be right” or garnering sympathy for your current situation.
In order for you to have all that you want from Pride… You may have to remove yourself from the group and go with others if it’s too raw for you. This may mean that you have a mediation session with your ex-boyfriend and create boundaries before the party. You may have to think creatively but there are literally a MILLION WAYS to have a fabulous time at Pride regardless of what your ex says, does or thinks!
I do not know the full terrain of your map so I cannot give you specific directions. But what I CAN say is.. you deserve to have a great time at Pride and that you can take your power back by setting yourself up for success!
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