Dear Aidan,
I have a person that I see often in the community who is always out to get me. I am unsure what his problem is with me but every time I see him and say hello, he either gives me the cold shoulder or gives me the look up and down. I realized that he really doesn’t like me when he looked at me and said “I am gonna hang over there with all the REAL people” and walked away from me. Why does this person dislike me so much and what should I do in this situation?
Dear Mr. Popular,
So often when we encounter an issue our desire and tendency is to want to pick at the problem with the hope that it will get better. So what you are doing is have a conversation that looks like this with yourself…
“This guy doesn’t like me. Why doesn’t he like me? Is it something I did. Is it soemthing I said? He used to like me. He used to be nice to me. What about me does he think is not real? How dare he think that way. I wonder if he is talking about me behind my back. What do I need to do to get him back?” and on and on and on and on on!
It’s a common tendency to get into an obsessive thinking pattern when it comes to issues like this, but the truth of the matter is that focusing on the problem is like picking a scab that’s healing. Over and over. You never heal because you are so hyper-focused on the scab that you end up picking at it before it has a chance to recover. You follow?
So how do we resolve this issue? You must focus your energy on what you WANT vs the LACK of what you want and then make what you want more important than the reaction you are getting from this one person. So instead of thinking about WHY THIS PERSON DOES NOT LIKE YOU, you must now focus on what kind of people you want in your circle. Do you really want someone in your circle in which you have to adjust or mold your behavior to their liking when you are around them to win their approval? Do you want someone who appreciates who you are as you are right now, or do you want to walk on eggshells? I think you know the answer.
Now that you are clear about what you want, you now have to actively look for that thing that you want! I bet you already have friends around you who like and love you very much. I am willing to bet money on it. Because if you did not have anyone who really liked you or appreciated you, the contrast of this negative reaction you are recieving would actually not be bothering you so much! So invest your time and energy into cultivating and deepening your relationships by showing those guys appreciation and don’t EVER push against anything that does not want to be!!
In conclusion. You are to FIGURE OUT what kind of friends and life you want to have, then go after THAT, and ignore others that don’t match that and don’t even try to mess with it. Pretty soon you will be surrounded only by those that appreciate and love you and that person will not even factor into your experience anymore.
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