April 11, 2021 The Newspaper Serving LGBT Los Angeles

DEAR AIDAN: Growing to Love Myself?

Dear Aidan!

I feel so ugly so often! Is there anything you can do to help me with my confidence level? I find myself feeling really unattractive and feel down about the way I look. I am trying to lose weight and take better care of myself but everytime I see myself in the mirror I just feel so unattractive any way to help me feel better? I am also quite resentful at the fact that I have to live up to the standards of beauty, I hate that I am expected to look good. Why can’t I be appreciated for me.

Dear Beauty Queen,

Okay. First of all you are doing “that thing” a lot of people do that holds them back from what they really want. You expressed in the first sentence that you want to feel more attractive and more confident… then a few sentences later you are angry about having to be prettier which are thoughts that are actively working AGAINST ONE ANOTHER!! 

If you want to be more confident and beautiful, you can’t be resentful at people who prefer confident and beautiful people, or worse yet resentful at people who are confident and beautiful! You get me? Your goal is to BE MORE CONFIDENT AND BEAUTIFUL. So stop working against yourself.

I know you are like, “well that all sounds great, Aidan, but HOW THE HECK DO I DO THAT?” 

AFFIRMATIONS. But most people are not using affirmations properly. Truly. When you feel like UGLY then you say to yourself over and over, “IM BEAUTIFUL, IM BEAUTIFUL,” you are doing nothing but annoying yourself until you have a mental breakdown. Then you’ll start thinking you are ugly AND annoying. So don’t do affirmations this way.

The correct way to do affirmations is this: You work up the thought ladder with the next most positive thought that you can BELIEVE in your state of emotion. I am going to use myself as an example. I struggle with the way I look sometimes and this is what I do:

Follow Aidan on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter @AidanParkShow and check out his upcoming comedy shows on his website AidanPark.com

(Looks in the mirror feels bad)

“I am Ugly” (what’s the next thought that you can think that you can actually believe)

“I am not the ugliest person in the world” (okay good now what)

“I am not SO ugly”… (okay now you start to look for aspects of you that you MIGHT BE OKAY WITH) “I guess I have nice hair,” “Several people have told me I have nice hair” … “My hair is silky”… “My hair is attractive” … “I like my bangs”… “My bangs cover up my UGLY FACE” (XXX this is a WORSE feeling; though, it’s okay you took a wrong turn. Just get back on track). “My eyes are brown”… “I do like my eyelashes”… “They are long”… “People pay a lot of money for these kinds of eye lashes”… “My teeth are white”…”I guess I do have a lot of things that make me attractive”… “I am also tall” … “I enjoy my tallness”… “I guess I am okay looking” … “I am imperfect, but I have good qualities too” … “No one is perfect” … “I am not any less perfect that anyone really if you think about it” … “Some people think im attractive” … “I think im okay” …  “I clean up nice” … “I’ve had moments where I thought I was beautiful” … “I guess I’m not so bad.” 

On and on and on… You are using affirmations to climb the ladder of thought. Because a slightly more positive thought will trigger a slightly more positive emotion, which will trigger a slightly more positive thought, which will… you get the idea. Give it a shot. It works. But you gotta catch yourself if you find yourself expressing a thought that brings you lower instead of higher. It’s an active process not to be done on autopilot. Do this everyday for five minutes for a month and watch your life change. 

Follow Aidan on Insta/Facebook/Twitter @Aidanparkshow Check out Aidan’s funny advice podcast @WhatToDoShow and his tour dates and more at aidanpark.com. Want Aidan to give you advice? Contact him via social media or email amy@thepridela.com.

Related Posts

West Hollywood Celebrates National Poetry Month

April 9, 2021

April 9, 2021

The City of West Hollywood will celebrate National Poetry Month in April with a variety of events and exhibitions honoring...

L.A. Stage Alliance To Cease Operations After Several Companies Exit

April 9, 2021

April 9, 2021

The Los Angeles Stage Alliance (LASA) announced that it would “cease all operations” following the departure of more than 25...

James Charles Admits Messaging 16 Year Old Boys

April 4, 2021

April 4, 2021

YouTube star, makeup artist and Los Angeles resident James Charles issued an apology video entitled “Holding Myself Accountable” admitting to...

Trans Los Angeles A Film Full Of Queer Latinx Talent

April 4, 2021

April 4, 2021

Trans Los Angeles is an anthology composed of four short films directed and written by transgender director Kase Peña. Each...

Venice Pride Flag Lifeguard Tower Gets Facelift

April 1, 2021

April 1, 2021

The Venice Pride Flag Lifeguard tower gets a fresh coat of paint and a bit of a facelift just in...

Pride Poets’ Corner: Double Dutch Nymph By Féi Hernandez

March 28, 2021

March 28, 2021

The Pride LA and West Hollywood Poet Laureate Brian Sonia-Wallace would like to introduce Féi Hernandez featuring their latest work...

Los Angeles Becomes First No-Kill City For Animal Shelters

March 28, 2021

March 28, 2021

The City of Los Angeles has become a no-kill city for animal shelters for the first time, thanks to the...

Bisexual Men Have Higher Chance Of Developing Eating Disorders

March 28, 2021

March 28, 2021

March is Bisexual Health Awareness Month and according to a study done by the University of California San Francisco bisexual...

Long Beach Rainbow Lifeguard Tower Burned Down

March 25, 2021

March 25, 2021

Long Beach’s rainbow lifeguard tower, painted by lifeguards in June in honor of Pride month, was destroyed in a fire...

Candlelit Vigil Held For Rayanna Pardo

March 25, 2021

March 25, 2021

A candlelit vigil was held on March 20th for Rayanna Pardo, a trans woman of color who died three days...

Pride Poets’ Corner: Penetrate By Terry Wolverton

March 21, 2021

March 21, 2021

In honor of Women’s History Month The Pride Poets’ Corner, curated by West Hollywood Poet Laureate Brian Sonia-Wallace, wished to...

Remembering EZTV Founder Kate Johnson Who Saved LGBTQ+ Media Work

March 21, 2021

March 21, 2021

Kate Johnson was an artist and founder of EZTV. Johnson saved and stewarded an important archive of new media work...

Ivy Bottini – WeHo Icon & LGBTQ Advocate Dies

March 14, 2021

March 14, 2021

Ivy Bottini an artist, mother and a legendary activist, devoting over 50 years to the feminist & LGBTQ  struggle for...

WeHo Lesbian Speakers Series

March 11, 2021

March 11, 2021

The City of West Hollywood’s Lesbian Speakers Series will celebrate Women’s History Month with a panel of dynamic lesbians and...

Free COVID-19 Testing Sites Including WeHo

March 6, 2021

March 6, 2021

The City of West Hollywood is getting the word out that Los Angeles County has announced that it is expanding...