November 18, 2019 The Newspaper Serving LGBT Los Angeles

DEAR AIDAN: Growing to Love Myself?

Dear Aidan!

I feel so ugly so often! Is there anything you can do to help me with my confidence level? I find myself feeling really unattractive and feel down about the way I look. I am trying to lose weight and take better care of myself but everytime I see myself in the mirror I just feel so unattractive any way to help me feel better? I am also quite resentful at the fact that I have to live up to the standards of beauty, I hate that I am expected to look good. Why can’t I be appreciated for me.

Dear Beauty Queen,

Okay. First of all you are doing “that thing” a lot of people do that holds them back from what they really want. You expressed in the first sentence that you want to feel more attractive and more confident… then a few sentences later you are angry about having to be prettier which are thoughts that are actively working AGAINST ONE ANOTHER!! 

If you want to be more confident and beautiful, you can’t be resentful at people who prefer confident and beautiful people, or worse yet resentful at people who are confident and beautiful! You get me? Your goal is to BE MORE CONFIDENT AND BEAUTIFUL. So stop working against yourself.

I know you are like, “well that all sounds great, Aidan, but HOW THE HECK DO I DO THAT?” 

AFFIRMATIONS. But most people are not using affirmations properly. Truly. When you feel like UGLY then you say to yourself over and over, “IM BEAUTIFUL, IM BEAUTIFUL,” you are doing nothing but annoying yourself until you have a mental breakdown. Then you’ll start thinking you are ugly AND annoying. So don’t do affirmations this way.

The correct way to do affirmations is this: You work up the thought ladder with the next most positive thought that you can BELIEVE in your state of emotion. I am going to use myself as an example. I struggle with the way I look sometimes and this is what I do:

Follow Aidan on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter @AidanParkShow and check out his upcoming comedy shows on his website AidanPark.com

(Looks in the mirror feels bad)

“I am Ugly” (what’s the next thought that you can think that you can actually believe)

“I am not the ugliest person in the world” (okay good now what)

“I am not SO ugly”… (okay now you start to look for aspects of you that you MIGHT BE OKAY WITH) “I guess I have nice hair,” “Several people have told me I have nice hair” … “My hair is silky”… “My hair is attractive” … “I like my bangs”… “My bangs cover up my UGLY FACE” (XXX this is a WORSE feeling; though, it’s okay you took a wrong turn. Just get back on track). “My eyes are brown”… “I do like my eyelashes”… “They are long”… “People pay a lot of money for these kinds of eye lashes”… “My teeth are white”…”I guess I do have a lot of things that make me attractive”… “I am also tall” … “I enjoy my tallness”… “I guess I am okay looking” … “I am imperfect, but I have good qualities too” … “No one is perfect” … “I am not any less perfect that anyone really if you think about it” … “Some people think im attractive” … “I think im okay” …  “I clean up nice” … “I’ve had moments where I thought I was beautiful” … “I guess I’m not so bad.” 

On and on and on… You are using affirmations to climb the ladder of thought. Because a slightly more positive thought will trigger a slightly more positive emotion, which will trigger a slightly more positive thought, which will… you get the idea. Give it a shot. It works. But you gotta catch yourself if you find yourself expressing a thought that brings you lower instead of higher. It’s an active process not to be done on autopilot. Do this everyday for five minutes for a month and watch your life change. 

Follow Aidan on Insta/Facebook/Twitter @Aidanparkshow Check out Aidan’s funny advice podcast @WhatToDoShow and his tour dates and more at aidanpark.com. Want Aidan to give you advice? Contact him via social media or email [email protected]

Related Posts

City of WeHo Survey Seeks Public Feedback to End HIV Stigma

November 16, 2019

November 16, 2019

The City of West Hollywood needs the public’s health recording data on HIV stigmatization.  “Stigma and discrimination are potentially the...

“Dems, Drinks and Drag Queens” Bring Rainbow Wave to Long Beach

November 15, 2019

November 15, 2019

Senator Kamala Harris and Mayor Robert Garcia will help kick off the California Democratic Party’s fall nominating convention at Hamburger...

GAY LA: When Catherine Opie Ruled LA

November 14, 2019

November 14, 2019

By Henry Giardina In the first season of the original “L Word,” art plays a bizarrely large role. For a...

Documentary Honors Los Angeles’ LGBTQ+ Vets for Veterans Day

November 11, 2019

November 11, 2019

In honor of Veterans Day, some LGBT Senior Veterans at the Los Angeles LGBT Center shared their stories and experiences...

Fighting Ignorance, Poverty with Job Fair for Trans, Intersex Folks

November 7, 2019

November 7, 2019

“Thriving in Los Angeles as a person of trans, non-binary, or intersex experience is challenging,” Eden Anaï Luna, Manager of...

LA Pride’s Bid to Host 2025 World Pride

November 5, 2019

November 5, 2019

Today, Christopher Street West (CSW), the non-profit that produces LA Pride, announced an official bid to host WorldPride in Los...

Trump Administration Attacks LGBTQ People Yet Again with HHS Proposed Rule

November 4, 2019

November 4, 2019

To kick off Trans Awareness Month, the Trump Administration has outdone itself in trampling over LGBTQ+ folks’ rights. Today, the...

GAY LA: Judy Never Really Left Los Angeles

November 2, 2019

November 2, 2019

How the queer Icon has shaped L.A. There’s no doubt about it: 2019 is the year of Judy Garland. In...

DEAR AIDAN: My Ex-Boyfriend’s Current Boyfriend Hates Me!

November 1, 2019

November 1, 2019

Dear Aidan: I am friends with my ex boyfriend, like pretty close to him. Unfortunately it seems that his new...

EVERYTHING You Need to Know About Halloween in WeHo

October 31, 2019

October 31, 2019

Each year, the City of West Hollywood hosts its incomparable Halloween Carnaval, one of the most unique Halloween gatherings in...

HUMAN SPOTLIGHT: NiK Kacy Breaks the Binary

October 29, 2019

October 29, 2019

How I’m breaking the binary and building my own LGBTQ-owned business  Column By NiK Kacy  Living with intersectional and multi-cultural...

THEATRE PREVIEW: “Orry” Dishes Out Hollywood Gossip in Limited Run

October 26, 2019

October 26, 2019

In Gentleman George’s latest production, “Orry,” you’re invited to the funeral of three-time Oscar winner and Hollywood legend, costume designer...

COLUMN: 5 Things We’re Excited About For Dark Harbor’s LGBTQ+ Night at Queen Mary

October 24, 2019

October 24, 2019

With Halloween only a week away, folks are scrambling to squeeze in as much spooky fun as possible. The Queen...

LB LOCAL: Coming Out Community Picnic Oct. 26

October 23, 2019

October 23, 2019

The LGBTQ+ Community and Allies are hosting the Third Annual LGBTQ+ Coming Out Community Picnic this Saturday, October 26. The...

Walking for a Cure

October 17, 2019

October 17, 2019

Lace up your sneakers, Los Angles. The annual AIDS Walk is back and ready to get some steps in. The...