January 20, 2021 The Newspaper Serving LGBT Los Angeles

DEAR AIDAN: Growing to Love Myself?

Dear Aidan!

I feel so ugly so often! Is there anything you can do to help me with my confidence level? I find myself feeling really unattractive and feel down about the way I look. I am trying to lose weight and take better care of myself but everytime I see myself in the mirror I just feel so unattractive any way to help me feel better? I am also quite resentful at the fact that I have to live up to the standards of beauty, I hate that I am expected to look good. Why can’t I be appreciated for me.

Dear Beauty Queen,

Okay. First of all you are doing “that thing” a lot of people do that holds them back from what they really want. You expressed in the first sentence that you want to feel more attractive and more confident… then a few sentences later you are angry about having to be prettier which are thoughts that are actively working AGAINST ONE ANOTHER!! 

If you want to be more confident and beautiful, you can’t be resentful at people who prefer confident and beautiful people, or worse yet resentful at people who are confident and beautiful! You get me? Your goal is to BE MORE CONFIDENT AND BEAUTIFUL. So stop working against yourself.

I know you are like, “well that all sounds great, Aidan, but HOW THE HECK DO I DO THAT?” 

AFFIRMATIONS. But most people are not using affirmations properly. Truly. When you feel like UGLY then you say to yourself over and over, “IM BEAUTIFUL, IM BEAUTIFUL,” you are doing nothing but annoying yourself until you have a mental breakdown. Then you’ll start thinking you are ugly AND annoying. So don’t do affirmations this way.

The correct way to do affirmations is this: You work up the thought ladder with the next most positive thought that you can BELIEVE in your state of emotion. I am going to use myself as an example. I struggle with the way I look sometimes and this is what I do:

Follow Aidan on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter @AidanParkShow and check out his upcoming comedy shows on his website AidanPark.com

(Looks in the mirror feels bad)

“I am Ugly” (what’s the next thought that you can think that you can actually believe)

“I am not the ugliest person in the world” (okay good now what)

“I am not SO ugly”… (okay now you start to look for aspects of you that you MIGHT BE OKAY WITH) “I guess I have nice hair,” “Several people have told me I have nice hair” … “My hair is silky”… “My hair is attractive” … “I like my bangs”… “My bangs cover up my UGLY FACE” (XXX this is a WORSE feeling; though, it’s okay you took a wrong turn. Just get back on track). “My eyes are brown”… “I do like my eyelashes”… “They are long”… “People pay a lot of money for these kinds of eye lashes”… “My teeth are white”…”I guess I do have a lot of things that make me attractive”… “I am also tall” … “I enjoy my tallness”… “I guess I am okay looking” … “I am imperfect, but I have good qualities too” … “No one is perfect” … “I am not any less perfect that anyone really if you think about it” … “Some people think im attractive” … “I think im okay” …  “I clean up nice” … “I’ve had moments where I thought I was beautiful” … “I guess I’m not so bad.” 

On and on and on… You are using affirmations to climb the ladder of thought. Because a slightly more positive thought will trigger a slightly more positive emotion, which will trigger a slightly more positive thought, which will… you get the idea. Give it a shot. It works. But you gotta catch yourself if you find yourself expressing a thought that brings you lower instead of higher. It’s an active process not to be done on autopilot. Do this everyday for five minutes for a month and watch your life change. 

Follow Aidan on Insta/Facebook/Twitter @Aidanparkshow Check out Aidan’s funny advice podcast @WhatToDoShow and his tour dates and more at aidanpark.com. Want Aidan to give you advice? Contact him via social media or email amy@thepridela.com.

Related Posts

Missing Compton Trans-man

January 18, 2021

January 18, 2021

UPDATE: Luckie Alexander Fuller has been found as on Jan. 19th, 2021. Luckie Alexander Fuller, a local Los Angeles transman...

WeHo Will Commemorate MLK Jr. Day With Virtual Donation Drive

January 17, 2021

January 17, 2021

In January 2021, the City of West Hollywood will continue its tradition of joining hundreds of communities across the country...

The Pride Poet’s Corner “Some Super Contextual New Year’s Resolutions” By: Brian Sonia-Wallace

January 17, 2021

January 17, 2021

Some Super Contextual New Year’s Resolutions By: Brian Sonia-Wallace a Don’t wash the dishes. Don’t go for a walk. Wear...

WeHo Renaming The West Hollywood Library

January 14, 2021

January 14, 2021

The City Council of the City of West Hollywood approved an item to submit a request to rename the West...

LA LGBT Center Receives $100K Grant

January 14, 2021

January 14, 2021

The Los Angeles LGBT Center has been awarded a $100,000 grant from the S. Mark Taper Foundation to support the...

Oil Can Harry’s Studio City’s Gay Country Bar Closes

January 9, 2021

January 9, 2021

Oil Can Harry’s, the iconic and beloved gay country western line dancing bar, located in Studio City, is closed for...

LA LGBT Center Administers First COVID-19 Vaccines

January 9, 2021

January 9, 2021

The first of 400 doses received by the Center were dispensed by Dr. Ward Carpenter, co-director of health services at...

2021 WeHo Artist Grant Recipients

January 9, 2021

January 9, 2021

The City of West Hollywood has announced three $5,000 grant awards, totaling $15,000, for three resident artists for its 2021...

WeHo Fighting Climate Change

January 6, 2021

January 6, 2021

The City of West Hollywood is currently updating its Climate Action Plan — an effort called “WeHo Climate Action” —...

The Center Offered Free Meals For Those In Need

January 6, 2021

January 6, 2021

With the unemployment rate in Los Angeles County rising due to the Corona-virus pandemic many are struggling to make ends...

Saving Silver Lake Bar Akbar

January 6, 2021

January 6, 2021

Struggling to survive amid the Corona-virus pandemic, iconic LGBTQI+ hangout Akbar took to a fundraising page to ask for help....

Two New Council Members Sworn-In To The City Council Of WeHo

December 20, 2020

December 20, 2020

The City of West Hollywood has sworn-in two newly elected Councilmembers: Sepi Shyne and John M. Erickson. Each Councilmember took...

Meet WeHo’s New Poet Laureate Brian Sonia-Wallace

December 17, 2020

December 17, 2020

Brian Sonia-Wallace has been named West Hollywood’s 4th City Poet Laureate making him the youngest person to occupy the role. ...

L.A. Makeup Artist Is First Trans Man To Compete On “RuPauls Drag Race”

December 13, 2020

December 13, 2020

The cast of RuPauls Drag Race Season 13 has been announced this week revealing its first trans man contestant will...

Weho Celebrates 30th Annual Toy And Food Drive

December 13, 2020

December 13, 2020

The 30th Annual West Hollywood Toy and Food Drive will be accepting monetary donations until Friday, Dec. 18th, 2020 with...